she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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