do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
