Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
