I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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