i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
