he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
