how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
it hurts more in the daytime
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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