We won't sleep together?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
