The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
