i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
