Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
