So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
