dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
