Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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