Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
