she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
