Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(225): View more from Louisiana

i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels

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(479): View more from Arkansas

I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.

Fav 18 1348 8110
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(425): View more from Washington

Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.

Fav 19 1638 5853
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(317): View more from Indiana

Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.

Fav 30 8576 1584
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(773): View more from Illinois

It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car

Fav 4 594 1025
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(630): View more from Illinois

Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual

Fav 1 1079 587
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(203): View more from Connecticut

I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.

Fav 3 1173 666
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(519): View more from Ontario

Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?

Fav 0 25 27
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(605): View more from South Dakota

Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other

Fav 0 9 35
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