I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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