Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
