first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
