I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
