just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
