Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
