I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
