Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
