Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
