Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My cat gives me a boner
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
