remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize