Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
