im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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