I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
