Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
