i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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