I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
