I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
