Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
