He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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