My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
