I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
