just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Randomize
