things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
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he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
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in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize