Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
