he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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