All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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