pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
