Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I have fence marks all over my body
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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