Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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