I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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