Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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