the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
