you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Randomize
