this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
