It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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