Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
