I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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