Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
