yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
