So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
