12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
