I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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