Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
we're making bets on your personal life
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
they call him Oral-B. enough said
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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