it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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