do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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